Log in

Your popsicle is melting.

Recent Entries

8/20/08 04:13 pm

If you really want to know what's going on with my life. (You probably don't).

8/20/08 10:38 am

I think I may bite the bullet and quit livejournal and move to blogspot or wordpress or something to that effect.

Stay tuned.

8/14/08 05:07 pm

A slightly older man with a shaved head and a tribal tattoo who I happened to see at the beach yesterday also happened to be at the same coffeehouse as I was today while working on my sermon. He came up to me, recognized that he saw me at the beach, introduced himself as Mike, and told me I'd be great for modeling. I nearly vomited. Unwanted male attention is the worst kind of attention. Ad you'd think that seeing a girl with a Bible and a book of sermons sprawled on the table would deter him from hitting on me. But I guess not.

Needless to say, I'm ready to get out of Salem. These last two weeks of Summer are strange. Last Summer, I was excited to go back to school, but sad to leave my then new boyfriend Adam. Now, I'm nervous to start my division III, but excited to go back to school. Friends are all busy getting ready to go back, working every day I have off, it seems. This is my first Fall going back to school without a boyfriend in two years. It's about time I learned my lesson. But these last two weeks are dragging. I'm starting to feel anxious. Not bad anxious. Confused anxious, the type of anxious that one feels when entering into a new situation. I'm going back to school with nothing holding me back, nothing to make me think of what I'm missing back home.
I don't have a friend at home who will drop everything and take a walk with me when I'm feel blah. It's not because I have bad friends at home-- people are working at home, people are depressed at home, people just can't be around all the time at home.
My parents are out playing tennis. I guess I'll go smoke a bowl and watch the rest of Reality Bites.

8/11/08 07:19 am

I'm not sure if I've really ever been in this place in my life.
I've been sleeping well for the most part. I've been happy with my friends, my (lack of, kind of) love life. I'm not overwhelmingly happy by any means. I'm content, I haven't cried in a very long time. I can't remember the last time I cried. (though, come to think of it, I may have teared up a little during Wall-E).
Jorie visited this past week. Made me excited to go back to Hampshire despite the thesis looming.
I'm excited to end my job here at the ferry. Despite the fact that if/when I go to divinity school, I will have to get a crappy retail job wherever I end up, this is most likely my last true summer job.
I've been slacking on my reading lately. For whatever reason, books aren't holding my attention as they were during the first 2/3 of the summer. I feel like this happened last August too. I guess you can burn yourself on reading, even if it's for pleasure. By the end of the Summer, I'll have finished somewhere between 9-12 books, so I guess I didn't do so bad. My dad's reading The Road right now, per my recommendation. I think it's the first novel written past 1945 he's read in a very, very long time.
While Jorie was visiting, we hung out with Crosbie pretty frequently, and I smoked more weed this past weekend than I've smoked in a while. It was nice. I guess I should pick that habit back up.
I think I'm pretty done with Salem.

7/27/08 12:56 am

I spent Thursday-Saturday in New York visiting Hunter. I hadn't been to be New York in over a year. The last times I was there, I was miserable, with him, unhappy. Turns out, I don't dislike Brooklyn/New York-- I was just letting one miserable person ruin that city for me.
Little punk shows, great bagels, art museums, walking around, Little India, happy hour, Union Square... It was an excellent couple of days. It was wonderful to see Hunter, and a great change of scenery.

My mom picked me up from South Station this evening, and we proceeded to get dinner, a beer, and see Bon Iver (with Bowerbirds opening). She really enjoyed the show. As did I. It was one of the better, most beautiful shows I've seen in a while.

Hey, I'm gud.

7/18/08 09:05 pm

Yesterday at work in Boston, a little strange little girl with an eerily calm tone and disposition first told me my sunglasses were too big (truth)-- and when I took them off she said very calmly, very matter-of-factly, not as an insult, just an everyday comment, "Oh... You kind of have a boy face." Made my day. She was such a weird little kid, I really want to what her deal is. Oh well.

Aside from the fact that I need to start exercising and eating better, I'm relatively happy with things lately. My cousin Scott has been in town for two weeks, I've been seeing quite a bit of him. Had a few beers with him tonight. He really is like my big brother. I'm grateful he's been around my whole life. I sometimes wonder what I'd be like if it weren't for him. But I digress.
Back to the present-- I'm not involved with anyone of the opposite sex-- not directly, at least, and I'm okay with that. In fact, my current status is my choice. I'm excited to see Hunter next weekend, Jorie in two weeks, perhaps Scott (not cousin- Hampshire BFF Scott) in a month or so. Excited to go back to school, to see all my Hampshire friends, excited/scared to start my division III thesis.

Since getting over my break-up with Adam, I feel I've actually been consistently content, at the least. A minor rut here and there, but overall, I've been good. I honestly feel like my choice to go into ministry has truly made me a happier, more confident, slightly less anxious person. My mom is skeptical about it. She told me, "I just feel like it's more of a calling." I agree. This is the first time I've been truly excited and optimistic and confident about my future. If that's not a sign of a calling, I don't know what is.

7/7/08 10:03 pm

Despite some general anxiety relatively often, and just being bored during my Summer in Salem, and all that same old bullshit that never really changes,
I'm in a good place now. Excited about my (academic) future, no members of the opposite sex controlling my life (oh, don't get me wrong, i'm involved with someone as usual, but i have a good head on my shoulders this time), I'm reading a ton and enjoying every minute of it, I'm seeing all the friends I really care to see quite frequently (except for work-a-holic and reclusive painter Eric Smith)...
Feels good.

Also, anecdote about the powers of Will Smith:
I was in Harvard Square yesterday walking with Doug and all of a sudden I hear, 'AMY!' I turn around and low and behold, it's Peter Bonos! A former modmate of mine at Hampshire. Great guy, but Peter and I don't have much in common. So after the initial, 'oh cool, small world! Peter from California/Hampshire in Harvard Square!' I realized, 'oh no, what am I gonna talk to Peter about during this walk?' (because naturally his car was parked in the direction Doug and I were walking). So during the second awkward silence of the walk I blurted out, 'Doug and I just saw Hancock!' to which Peter replied by telling me that he saw it the day it came out. The rest of the walk was a hilarious conversation was fun and interesting and filled with Will Smith stories and laughs.
Thank you, Will Smith-- You saved the day again.

6/25/08 08:11 pm

My dad is still jobless. My mom is really unhappy. I wish I could get out of the house more this Summer. I wish I wasn't home all summer. But the reason I am is because my family and I have very little money because my dad has been out of work for a year. It's a vicious cycle. I don't think I like my dad. I love him because he's my dad. But the longer he's home, the more I realize how many terrible faults he really has. His laziness, his temper, he loves my mom and smothers her with affection, but seems oblivious to what his being out of work is doing to her.
I hate seeing my mom like this.

6/20/08 05:48 pm

I had a meeting with my minister yesterday. She told me all the overwhelming details of applying to seminary, attaining an advisory committee, suggestions for divinity schools... I'm giving a sermon at my church on August 24th. It was all very scary, there's a lot to be done in the next year, but the good thing about it all is that I still feel good about this future. I'm looking forward to it all. The only downside is that Reverend Biddle suggested I stay around here so that my advisory committee at the church would be close. Of course I'm going to apply to Vanderbilt anyway, but it seems the most practical options for me are either Harvard Divinity of Episcopal Divinity. I guess once I graduate I'll still be young, I can still travel the US at 25, find a new and exciting place to live. Besides, nothing wrong with living in Cambridge for a couple years. Also, Episcopal Divinity is the Hampshire of seminaries, so it's the option that probably makes the most sense.

Reverend Biddle told me that the ordination process involves constantly being judged, constantly being on guard, and constantly bearing your soul. It's more than just reading some theological research. It's bringing yourself into your research, your own heart and soul. This may be unappealing to most, but I've always been the type of person to bear my soul to anyone who will listen. I always put myself in that vunerable position, and if I can manage to do it in a positive, spiritual way, I think I'm heading in the right direction-- for the right profession, the right future...

I'm optimistic.

6/6/08 10:32 am

I'm tired of having dreams about people who have wronged me.
Powered by LiveJournal.com